Just call me Johnny One-Time

I hate repeating myself. I hate it! If cell phones weren't total crap, maybe they'd be worth something, but wandering around your house yelling "can you hear me now?" and not even in a fun ironic self-referential way is completely useless. I want all the minutes back that I spent saying "what?" or hearing someone perfectly well when they couldn't hear me.

Furthermore, if you don't hear what I said the first time, let's make us both happy; just make something up that was brilliant and clever and satisfying. Pretend I said exactly what you wanted me to say. Repeating the ridiculous thing you thought you heard only makes us both sound like jerks.

Additionally, there should be a little prerecorded message that comes along the line when the other phone runs out of batteries, right before it plunks you into oblivion. "We're sorry, but the cell phone you were previously connected to has run out of juice. Please remind your associate or friend to have more foresight in the future. Thank you for using AT&T". Or something. Anything. I thought Steve was offended because I made fun of a Canadian vegan. In order to avoid such misunderstandings in the future, an automated notice would be appreciated. Thanks.

And in conclusion, I miss face to face interaction. That way we can talk and watch TV. That way I have my hands free to eat the baked potato, rather than staring at it wistfully. The phone is for suckers. And anybody who didn't hear me the first time is out of luck.

Once again,
Lauren