March 30, 2004
March 26, 2004
Shnazzle!
Check out my snazzy new template! Thanks to Blogskins.com and a lot of tinkering on my part. It's not perfect yet, but I think I'm pretty happy.
CSS is baffling. And it has a stupid name.
CSS is baffling. And it has a stupid name.
March 25, 2004
The ongoing mental debate...
Steve has weighed in on my blog vs. blog debate stating that this space is more candid and personal while smartypants seems aimed at an audience.
And now I'm goofy and self conscious about it. Was that candid enough?
And now I'm goofy and self conscious about it. Was that candid enough?
March 24, 2004
Best Week Ever!
So I was bored last Saturday and watching VH1 and came across this thing, Best Week Ever and it rules. Check it out. They even have a blog. Reading the comments is like watching the show, as if it were written by all the people who are watching the show. Livingroom commedians. You know what I mean.
Retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Angers West Virginia Residents with New T-Shirt
What's your definition of new? These shirts have been around for several months at least. It's only arousing ire now? And where are all those angry, literate Alabamians?
What exactly does this mean?
Your changes have been saved...
You must Republishyour blog to see them.
(Actually, I know what that means, but the word "republish" is missing on my screen most of the time. I cut the text that was there: "You must your blog to see them" and when I pasted it, it made sense. Is that the strangest thing or what?)
You must Republishyour blog to see them.
(Actually, I know what that means, but the word "republish" is missing on my screen most of the time. I cut the text that was there: "You must your blog to see them" and when I pasted it, it made sense. Is that the strangest thing or what?)
Phone-o-trauma
You may or may not already know this, but my phone doesn't work in my apartment. It's my one and only phone, and currently my only connection to the outside world, since the computer is in the shop. It appears that GSM phones work nicely in my apartment, and I have been trying to switch.
But here's the trouble: I already just bought the TDMA phone that I have. Which is to say, it wasn't cheap, and it's pretty new. I don't at all want to invest $50-$200 in another new phone. Nor do I want to sign a two year agreement.
AT&T has been less than helpful. When you call their "Customer Care" line, you get a call center in Oklahoma, staffed by any number of anonymous people with only first names. You can't reach the same person twice, and they can't email you. I spoke with a gentleman on Monday who was trying to help me out in some way. He suggested that I take advantage of the offers online (many of which are sparkly, free phones). I asked if that meant I would have to sign a new agreement, and he said that it would be as if I were a new customer. Which means a whole new rate plan, new zones, new clock rules, etc. He said that the TDMA contract was a whole separate department from the GSM people, and that they couldn't communicate. He really was trying to be helpful, but I don't think we were accomplishing anything. He told me I could buy a used GSM phone, and then everything would be OK, but I don't understand if that would somehow avoid the contract thing or the new plan thing. He said he would talk to the GSM people (having previously told me they couldn't talk) and see if they could waive some fees or anything for me. Stupidly, I was very conscious about having spent a lot of time on the work phone already trying to resolve this, and I asked if he could call me back.
"When do you want me to call you back," he said, "today? Tomorrow?"
I said, "Well, I'd love to know as soon as you resolve it."
"Ok, I'll call you back."
And, so far he hasn't. I doubt he ever will. I shouldn't have let the guy go, but I really couldn't stay on the phone for an hour plus trying to resolve this stuff at work. I'd call from home, but...
So I called back yesterday, and Sean (some other representative) pulled up my file. I asked if there was a record of the person I was speaking with yesterday, or if anything had progressed or anything at all. He said there was indeed a record that I spoke with someone yesterday, and a notation to call me back.
"Is there any indication that I will be called back?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. I don't know."
"That's right, you're in a call center with hundreds of people. I forgot."
"He may call you back, or he may have forgotten. Is there something that I can help you with?"
And I told this second guy the whole story. He seemed to think that if I wait until my contract is up (October) I will get all sorts of excellent offers for new phones. I tried to press the importance of the fact that if I wait until then I will do my damndest not to be with their services, due to the fact that my one and only communication device doesn't work in my home and they weren't helping much.
I asked him why there was no support for loyal customers, and why all the attention is given to new customers, rather than people like myself who have been with their service for multiple years at this point. He said they were trying to attract new customers. I asked if they didn't care about alienating current customers, and he didn't have much to say to that.
Of course, I already have the answer to that. I have a contract with them until October, and if I break it, I have to pay some inordinate amount of money. They don't care if I can actually use the service or not. They get their money regardless of whether I get reception, which seems like a rather craptacular kind of deal.
So at this point I'm not sure what to do. Additionally, these two gentlemen seemed to be spouting different types of rhetoric that contradicted eachother. Can I keep calling back until I get someone who says something I like? Is there any such possibility? When Cingular finally takes over, will it make any difference? As Bob says, "I doubt it."
And all of this suddenly makes me think of those charming BankAmerica commercials that are slowly but surely dancing across our televisions. "I just don't think I should have to pay for these things." "Neither do we." I can't wait to see how that mistranslates into my own ex-BayBank, ex-Bank Boston, soon to be ex-Fleet account.
Really. I just can't wait.
But here's the trouble: I already just bought the TDMA phone that I have. Which is to say, it wasn't cheap, and it's pretty new. I don't at all want to invest $50-$200 in another new phone. Nor do I want to sign a two year agreement.
AT&T has been less than helpful. When you call their "Customer Care" line, you get a call center in Oklahoma, staffed by any number of anonymous people with only first names. You can't reach the same person twice, and they can't email you. I spoke with a gentleman on Monday who was trying to help me out in some way. He suggested that I take advantage of the offers online (many of which are sparkly, free phones). I asked if that meant I would have to sign a new agreement, and he said that it would be as if I were a new customer. Which means a whole new rate plan, new zones, new clock rules, etc. He said that the TDMA contract was a whole separate department from the GSM people, and that they couldn't communicate. He really was trying to be helpful, but I don't think we were accomplishing anything. He told me I could buy a used GSM phone, and then everything would be OK, but I don't understand if that would somehow avoid the contract thing or the new plan thing. He said he would talk to the GSM people (having previously told me they couldn't talk) and see if they could waive some fees or anything for me. Stupidly, I was very conscious about having spent a lot of time on the work phone already trying to resolve this, and I asked if he could call me back.
"When do you want me to call you back," he said, "today? Tomorrow?"
I said, "Well, I'd love to know as soon as you resolve it."
"Ok, I'll call you back."
And, so far he hasn't. I doubt he ever will. I shouldn't have let the guy go, but I really couldn't stay on the phone for an hour plus trying to resolve this stuff at work. I'd call from home, but...
So I called back yesterday, and Sean (some other representative) pulled up my file. I asked if there was a record of the person I was speaking with yesterday, or if anything had progressed or anything at all. He said there was indeed a record that I spoke with someone yesterday, and a notation to call me back.
"Is there any indication that I will be called back?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. I don't know."
"That's right, you're in a call center with hundreds of people. I forgot."
"He may call you back, or he may have forgotten. Is there something that I can help you with?"
And I told this second guy the whole story. He seemed to think that if I wait until my contract is up (October) I will get all sorts of excellent offers for new phones. I tried to press the importance of the fact that if I wait until then I will do my damndest not to be with their services, due to the fact that my one and only communication device doesn't work in my home and they weren't helping much.
I asked him why there was no support for loyal customers, and why all the attention is given to new customers, rather than people like myself who have been with their service for multiple years at this point. He said they were trying to attract new customers. I asked if they didn't care about alienating current customers, and he didn't have much to say to that.
Of course, I already have the answer to that. I have a contract with them until October, and if I break it, I have to pay some inordinate amount of money. They don't care if I can actually use the service or not. They get their money regardless of whether I get reception, which seems like a rather craptacular kind of deal.
So at this point I'm not sure what to do. Additionally, these two gentlemen seemed to be spouting different types of rhetoric that contradicted eachother. Can I keep calling back until I get someone who says something I like? Is there any such possibility? When Cingular finally takes over, will it make any difference? As Bob says, "I doubt it."
And all of this suddenly makes me think of those charming BankAmerica commercials that are slowly but surely dancing across our televisions. "I just don't think I should have to pay for these things." "Neither do we." I can't wait to see how that mistranslates into my own ex-BayBank, ex-Bank Boston, soon to be ex-Fleet account.
Really. I just can't wait.
March 23, 2004
Reasons I think my new building hates me:
1. Everyone has a dog, my lease says "no pets" in three places
2. There's a parking lot in the back, my apartment has no deeded parking (probably)
3. My phone doesn't work
4. This morning they shut off the water from 9am to 9:30am (also known as the exact timeperiod in which I would shower, ordinarily)
2. There's a parking lot in the back, my apartment has no deeded parking (probably)
3. My phone doesn't work
4. This morning they shut off the water from 9am to 9:30am (also known as the exact timeperiod in which I would shower, ordinarily)
Could it be?
My friend's gay sister just bought a Subaru. Once upon a time, I took a class on everything cars, and this irritating kid kept insisting that Subarus were marketed towards lesbians. I thought it was a bizarre claim at the time, but now I'm not convinced that there's something to it.
Here's what the Internet has to say:
Gay-Coded Subaru Ads Return to Mainstream
Unknown Actress Becomes Famous Lesbian
If You Drive a Subaru You Might be Sending the Wrong Message
Martina Navratilova in a Campaign for Subaru
Hmm...
Here's what the Internet has to say:
Gay-Coded Subaru Ads Return to Mainstream
Unknown Actress Becomes Famous Lesbian
If You Drive a Subaru You Might be Sending the Wrong Message
Martina Navratilova in a Campaign for Subaru
Hmm...
I just can't believe it.
Buttafuoco Jailed For Fraud
Joey B back in jail and divorced from Mary-Jo. What's this world coming to?
Joey B back in jail and divorced from Mary-Jo. What's this world coming to?
You go, Usher
A seasoned Usher aims ever higher
"On my first album, I wasn't having sex, I was just talking about it. On my second album, I was going through some of the (topics), but I wasn't able to articulate myself. I was able to articulate myself on my third album, and I was able to be very clear on my fourth album."
Snicker.
"On my first album, I wasn't having sex, I was just talking about it. On my second album, I was going through some of the (topics), but I wasn't able to articulate myself. I was able to articulate myself on my third album, and I was able to be very clear on my fourth album."
Snicker.
Is this news?
It was all Ben's fault
No, it is not. Please ignore the above link and everything to do with the former Benifer.
No, it is not. Please ignore the above link and everything to do with the former Benifer.
March 22, 2004
Would you like to know a secret?
Here's my very own personal Dead Milkmen story.
It happened a long time ago, maybe in eighth grade. It was the first real show I ever went to. Andrew and I hopped on the commuter rail bound for Boston... The conductor made a lot of jokes about everything from the two of us to a woman carrying a plant in a bag.
"Would that be a cannabis plant, miss?"
She didn't know what he was talking about. I giggled, and that caused him to start in on the two of us. I'm sure he made date jokes. I'm sure it made me turn shades of purple they don't have names for. And this was just the beginning of the long and idiotic story that was the two of us back then.
But eventually we arrived in Boston, and somehow or another made our way to Landsdowne St. Andrew must have known where he was. I sure didn't.
The show was at Axis, which strikes me as extremely strange now, but back then it wasn't all dance club all the time, I guess.
The opening band was OK. There was some guy sitting next to me on a speaker smoking a cigarette. Andrew said something about if that guy was any closer I'd be smoking it. At the time I thought it was hilarious. Also, you could smoke in clubs back then. Imagine that.
So the next band came on, I'm pretty sure it was El Dopa, and they started to play, and all this smoke started coming out of the stage. Now, remember, this is the first club show I have ever been to and I am thirteen years old. The first thing I think is "Ooh! Effects!" and I stand there and watch. Everyone in the club is milling about, looking panicked and talking about "it's tear gas, man!". I thought I was so tough, standing there and taking it while everyone was running away, until a huge guy with no shirt, a tuxedo jacket, and a blue mohawk picked me up under his arm sideways and carried me out the door. I remember beating my fists on this guy "what do you think you're doing?!!?" until we were outside and learned that the club was on fire.
Not very on fire, mind you, just enough to stop the show and make everyone go get pizza.
The first place we went, somewhere near where Bill's Bar is now, wouldn't let us inside because we weren't 21. I was astounded that a restaurant could card people and deny entrance. While I was standing there being peeved, Andrew dragged me along to this other place, over around the corner.
We met up with some other kids from Acton who were older but known to us in some way. Probably through Colin, who I don't believe was at the show. Maybe it was Dave Murphy's brother, or cousin. And some girl. And John Lindquist.
We all got some pizza, and everybody chipped in, which was great, except John wouldn't let me pay for mine. I was floored that anybody would do that, especially an older guy I didn't really know. It was a new and baffling experience at the time, no doubt no big deal to the guy. But whatever.
We hung out at the pizza place (which isn't there anymore and neither is The Rat or Bickfords or the sock store) with the older kids for a while and then went back down Landsdowne to see what was what. Everyone was out in the streets. Andrew and I called home and told our parents "if you see us on the news, don't worry!" which of course made them worry, and we had to explain about everything (via payphone. Remember them?)
Eventually, it was declared safe, and we went back in. The Dead Milkmen were amazing and current and hilarious and clever. They made jokes about Possum Dixon (who, right?) and politics and forty-five or so other cultural references we'd have to look up later or pretend to already know about. Andrew probably lost his glasses at one point and I probably had to hold someone's coat while they went up front where all the action was.
Nevertheless, it was adrenalizing and everything I would have wanted it to be (well, minus a few minute details). I realize the Dead Milkmen play a minor role in this story, but actually, they don't. This band, while being often declared a novelty act, made me learn, made me friends, and made it ok to be clever and snarky. They gave me and my friends something to giggle over and feel superior about. When I learned they had finally broken up (outside of The Orpheum, after a Dinosaur Jr. show, which is another story for another time...) I felt the strangest sadness. I couldn't believe I wouldn't ever have another chance to have this experience over again, and I haven't.
We rode the train home again. Somewhere along the way, Andrew gave a homeless guy a $20 instead of the dollar he intended to give him. Or maybe that was another time. It doesn't matter. We went back to Acton and turned into junior high schoolers again, and our lives went back to odd and normal.
But anyway, that's my story.
It happened a long time ago, maybe in eighth grade. It was the first real show I ever went to. Andrew and I hopped on the commuter rail bound for Boston... The conductor made a lot of jokes about everything from the two of us to a woman carrying a plant in a bag.
"Would that be a cannabis plant, miss?"
She didn't know what he was talking about. I giggled, and that caused him to start in on the two of us. I'm sure he made date jokes. I'm sure it made me turn shades of purple they don't have names for. And this was just the beginning of the long and idiotic story that was the two of us back then.
But eventually we arrived in Boston, and somehow or another made our way to Landsdowne St. Andrew must have known where he was. I sure didn't.
The show was at Axis, which strikes me as extremely strange now, but back then it wasn't all dance club all the time, I guess.
The opening band was OK. There was some guy sitting next to me on a speaker smoking a cigarette. Andrew said something about if that guy was any closer I'd be smoking it. At the time I thought it was hilarious. Also, you could smoke in clubs back then. Imagine that.
So the next band came on, I'm pretty sure it was El Dopa, and they started to play, and all this smoke started coming out of the stage. Now, remember, this is the first club show I have ever been to and I am thirteen years old. The first thing I think is "Ooh! Effects!" and I stand there and watch. Everyone in the club is milling about, looking panicked and talking about "it's tear gas, man!". I thought I was so tough, standing there and taking it while everyone was running away, until a huge guy with no shirt, a tuxedo jacket, and a blue mohawk picked me up under his arm sideways and carried me out the door. I remember beating my fists on this guy "what do you think you're doing?!!?" until we were outside and learned that the club was on fire.
Not very on fire, mind you, just enough to stop the show and make everyone go get pizza.
The first place we went, somewhere near where Bill's Bar is now, wouldn't let us inside because we weren't 21. I was astounded that a restaurant could card people and deny entrance. While I was standing there being peeved, Andrew dragged me along to this other place, over around the corner.
We met up with some other kids from Acton who were older but known to us in some way. Probably through Colin, who I don't believe was at the show. Maybe it was Dave Murphy's brother, or cousin. And some girl. And John Lindquist.
We all got some pizza, and everybody chipped in, which was great, except John wouldn't let me pay for mine. I was floored that anybody would do that, especially an older guy I didn't really know. It was a new and baffling experience at the time, no doubt no big deal to the guy. But whatever.
We hung out at the pizza place (which isn't there anymore and neither is The Rat or Bickfords or the sock store) with the older kids for a while and then went back down Landsdowne to see what was what. Everyone was out in the streets. Andrew and I called home and told our parents "if you see us on the news, don't worry!" which of course made them worry, and we had to explain about everything (via payphone. Remember them?)
Eventually, it was declared safe, and we went back in. The Dead Milkmen were amazing and current and hilarious and clever. They made jokes about Possum Dixon (who, right?) and politics and forty-five or so other cultural references we'd have to look up later or pretend to already know about. Andrew probably lost his glasses at one point and I probably had to hold someone's coat while they went up front where all the action was.
Nevertheless, it was adrenalizing and everything I would have wanted it to be (well, minus a few minute details). I realize the Dead Milkmen play a minor role in this story, but actually, they don't. This band, while being often declared a novelty act, made me learn, made me friends, and made it ok to be clever and snarky. They gave me and my friends something to giggle over and feel superior about. When I learned they had finally broken up (outside of The Orpheum, after a Dinosaur Jr. show, which is another story for another time...) I felt the strangest sadness. I couldn't believe I wouldn't ever have another chance to have this experience over again, and I haven't.
We rode the train home again. Somewhere along the way, Andrew gave a homeless guy a $20 instead of the dollar he intended to give him. Or maybe that was another time. It doesn't matter. We went back to Acton and turned into junior high schoolers again, and our lives went back to odd and normal.
But anyway, that's my story.
A list of proper nouns in Dead Milkmen songs
(it's important to note that listening to the Dead Milkmen made me look up a lot of people, places, and things, before the Internet. It is likely that the following list (taken directly from their website made me the culturally aware person I am today...)
Ku Klux Klan
The F.U.'s
Solarcane
Dover
Happy Days
Joanie Loves Crotchie (sic)
V.F.W.
Charles Nelson Reilley
H-Bomb
El Salvador
Gorilla Girl
Girl Scout Jamboree
Def Leppard
Motley Crue
The Sandbar
Krystal Shyt
The Doors
Jim Morrison
The People's Court
The Bahamas
A bitchin' Camaro
Tony Orlando & Dawn
Detroit
Mace
The White House
Steve McGarrett
Hawaii Five-O
All
Borax
F.O.D.
Holland
The Pope
CBS
Rudolf Hess
Samantha Fox
Jesus Christ
Jim Bakker
Doris Day
Popeye
Donny & Marie
B.F. Skinner
Mr. Green Jeans
Jello
Patsy Cline
Buddy Holly
Jim Croce
The Big Bopper
Ricky Nelson
Black Flag
Vietnam
Viet Cong
Napalm
Frankie & Annette
Uncle Sam
Moondog
4-H Club
Malibu
Irvine
The Dead
David Crosby
Phoenix
L.A.
Denver
New Orleans
New Mexico
El Paso
Austin
Lone Star Beer
Martin Sheen
South Street
Hitler's clone
Reagan
Jerry Falwell
Chonga the Goat Boy
The (God Damned) Periodic
Table of the Elements
The Butthole Surfers
The Vince Lombardi Service Center
Bucky Fellini
Mallory
Ron & Nancy
The Specialist
Mr. Huberty
The Walrus
A young Watutsi
I Love Lucy
Edwin Meese
Nancy Sinatra
The Theme from S.W.A.T.
Portland
Ortho Orange # 42
Graceland
Love Me Tender Shampoo
The Satin King
The Jungle Room
Blue Lagoon
Hell
Heartbreak Hotel
Big Time Operator
High Hat Sam
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Charlie Sexton
PCP
LSD
MDA
XTC
Siouxie Sioux
Andy Warhol
Hardees
I.Q.
Danceteria
The Communards
Book of Love
The Smiths
Depeche Commode (sic)
Public Image Limited
Naked Truth
San Antonio
Tacoland
Bruce Springsteen
K Mart
Planet X
Highway 9
Casey Casem
Satan
Gavin McLoud
Patti Smith
Blood Orgy of the Atomic Fern
Heaven
Japan
Thailand
Beelzebubba
Harvard
Brinks truck
Helter Skelter
Mork & Mindy
Channel 57
A cool Coors 16 oz.-er
The Mixer
My Little Fish
Hendrix
Big Black
The Killer Inside Me
Sri Lanka
Gene Loves Jezebel
East Enders
Phil Donahue
Zipperhead
Philadelphia Pizza Company
The Beach Boys
California Dreaming
Clorox
Snowy Bleach
Life cereal
PBS
Carl Sagan
Alistaire Cooke
The footwear of Ancient Rome
Jet-ski
The CIA
The FBI
The PMRC
The Agency
Mr. Rogers
The KGB
The Russians
Ringo
A Beatlemaniac
Paul
The NRA
Richard Nixon
Mr. Dixon
Bob Crane
Metaphysical Graffitti
Blue Cross deductible
Bambi
P.J.'s Astrological Love Lounge
Lester Shy & the Shyfonics
The Man
A Methodist Coloring Book
That Bohiguss Boy
A Trained Professional
Born Free
Robert Petrie
New Rochelle
My wife Laura
Alan Brady
Danny Thomas
Mory Amsterdam
Mr. Chainsaw
Death
Professor Griff
Anchorage
WMMR
WYSP
WXPN
Folk Nazis
Billy Joel
Doobie Brothers
The Human Torch
Sha Na Na
Woodstock
Pete Townsend
Keith
Janis
Joan Baez
Berkeley
Bowser
Stones
Who
Kennedy
Altamont
Peace Corps
Black Panthers
Montana
Santana
Edie Brickell
Married with Children
Amstel Light
Charles Manson
TV Addicts
Steve Albini
Frank Sinatra
Julio Inglesias
A Suzanne Vega album
Sarah Jane, the lesbian midget
left-handed Eskimo albino
Richard Spector
Louis Farrakhan
Frank Rizzo
Squeaky Fromm
Jim Jones
Richard Ramirez
Ted Bundy
Dan Quayle
Charles Bronson
Anderson, Walkman,
Buttholes and How!
Yes
976-PIGG
Earl's Maggot Farm on Rte. 13
St. Smithers Medical Facility &
Pork Sausage Distillery
Miller's Creek
Soul Rotation
The Sun
The World
The Devil
Life's Most Sacred Mystery
The Secret of Life
Belafonte's Inferno
God
Elvis
Bernhard Goetz
Star Search
Christians
Jews
Moslems
Mormons
The Halls of Montezuma
The Shores of Tripoli
The CIA
The IRS
Dick Clark
Saab
Judgement Day
Craft-matic Chair
Arizona
Republican
U.F.O.'s
Ballistic Missile
God's Kid Brother
Marlboros
Kents
Mr. X
Sans-a-Belt pants
Hush Puppies
Reverend Sun Yung Moon
Mohammed, Prophet of Allah
Impala
Shirley McLaine
Aryan Youth Camp
Shaft in Greenland
Land of the Midnight Sun
Brian Eno
United Nations
Stratego
Jesus
Maneschewitz
Dumpster
7-11
Safeway
Our Saviour
Bottle Boy
The guy who never used deoderant
and spoke only in riddles
The woman who collected 19th
century handmade Amish
swimwear
The Richard Bey Show
AM Philadelphia
Geraldo
The Son of God
Geena Davis
People
China
Little Pig
The Infant of Prague
St. Theresa of the Sacred Heart
St. Francis of Xavier
St. Bernadette
St. Jehosephat
Hebrews
St. Andrew
St. Catherine of Arles
Carbolic acid
Peter Bazooka
Tuesday
Taxi # 23
Aries
Little Elvis
Operation The Cheese Stands Alone
Raw Sewage
The Girl with the Strong Arm
Canadian woodsmen
Woodchuck Gun
Atlanta, Georgia
Youse & Son
O'Hare Airport
The History of Denmark
The Renaissance lute
Cadillac
An Agatha Christie book
The Royal Family
Leadbelly
Two Shoes
Blind Lemon Lipschitz
The Man Who Rides the Bus
Your Inner Child
Ravioli
Mexico City
Cuban Spies
Cub Scout uniform
The Beatles
St. Peter
The Shaggs
Amway Convention
New York
Athiests
Me and my pal Foot Foot
Crystalline
The King of the New World
Underclass
The God of Unemployment
The Antichrist of the
American Dream
The Communist Party
Khrissy
Stupid, happy clown
Big Deal
Ku Klux Klan
The F.U.'s
Solarcane
Dover
Happy Days
Joanie Loves Crotchie (sic)
V.F.W.
Charles Nelson Reilley
H-Bomb
El Salvador
Gorilla Girl
Girl Scout Jamboree
Def Leppard
Motley Crue
The Sandbar
Krystal Shyt
The Doors
Jim Morrison
The People's Court
The Bahamas
A bitchin' Camaro
Tony Orlando & Dawn
Detroit
Mace
The White House
Steve McGarrett
Hawaii Five-O
All
Borax
F.O.D.
Holland
The Pope
CBS
Rudolf Hess
Samantha Fox
Jesus Christ
Jim Bakker
Doris Day
Popeye
Donny & Marie
B.F. Skinner
Mr. Green Jeans
Jello
Patsy Cline
Buddy Holly
Jim Croce
The Big Bopper
Ricky Nelson
Black Flag
Vietnam
Viet Cong
Napalm
Frankie & Annette
Uncle Sam
Moondog
4-H Club
Malibu
Irvine
The Dead
David Crosby
Phoenix
L.A.
Denver
New Orleans
New Mexico
El Paso
Austin
Lone Star Beer
Martin Sheen
South Street
Hitler's clone
Reagan
Jerry Falwell
Chonga the Goat Boy
The (God Damned) Periodic
Table of the Elements
The Butthole Surfers
The Vince Lombardi Service Center
Bucky Fellini
Mallory
Ron & Nancy
The Specialist
Mr. Huberty
The Walrus
A young Watutsi
I Love Lucy
Edwin Meese
Nancy Sinatra
The Theme from S.W.A.T.
Portland
Ortho Orange # 42
Graceland
Love Me Tender Shampoo
The Satin King
The Jungle Room
Blue Lagoon
Hell
Heartbreak Hotel
Big Time Operator
High Hat Sam
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Charlie Sexton
PCP
LSD
MDA
XTC
Siouxie Sioux
Andy Warhol
Hardees
I.Q.
Danceteria
The Communards
Book of Love
The Smiths
Depeche Commode (sic)
Public Image Limited
Naked Truth
San Antonio
Tacoland
Bruce Springsteen
K Mart
Planet X
Highway 9
Casey Casem
Satan
Gavin McLoud
Patti Smith
Blood Orgy of the Atomic Fern
Heaven
Japan
Thailand
Beelzebubba
Harvard
Brinks truck
Helter Skelter
Mork & Mindy
Channel 57
A cool Coors 16 oz.-er
The Mixer
My Little Fish
Hendrix
Big Black
The Killer Inside Me
Sri Lanka
Gene Loves Jezebel
East Enders
Phil Donahue
Zipperhead
Philadelphia Pizza Company
The Beach Boys
California Dreaming
Clorox
Snowy Bleach
Life cereal
PBS
Carl Sagan
Alistaire Cooke
The footwear of Ancient Rome
Jet-ski
The CIA
The FBI
The PMRC
The Agency
Mr. Rogers
The KGB
The Russians
Ringo
A Beatlemaniac
Paul
The NRA
Richard Nixon
Mr. Dixon
Bob Crane
Metaphysical Graffitti
Blue Cross deductible
Bambi
P.J.'s Astrological Love Lounge
Lester Shy & the Shyfonics
The Man
A Methodist Coloring Book
That Bohiguss Boy
A Trained Professional
Born Free
Robert Petrie
New Rochelle
My wife Laura
Alan Brady
Danny Thomas
Mory Amsterdam
Mr. Chainsaw
Death
Professor Griff
Anchorage
WMMR
WYSP
WXPN
Folk Nazis
Billy Joel
Doobie Brothers
The Human Torch
Sha Na Na
Woodstock
Pete Townsend
Keith
Janis
Joan Baez
Berkeley
Bowser
Stones
Who
Kennedy
Altamont
Peace Corps
Black Panthers
Montana
Santana
Edie Brickell
Married with Children
Amstel Light
Charles Manson
TV Addicts
Steve Albini
Frank Sinatra
Julio Inglesias
A Suzanne Vega album
Sarah Jane, the lesbian midget
left-handed Eskimo albino
Richard Spector
Louis Farrakhan
Frank Rizzo
Squeaky Fromm
Jim Jones
Richard Ramirez
Ted Bundy
Dan Quayle
Charles Bronson
Anderson, Walkman,
Buttholes and How!
Yes
976-PIGG
Earl's Maggot Farm on Rte. 13
St. Smithers Medical Facility &
Pork Sausage Distillery
Miller's Creek
Soul Rotation
The Sun
The World
The Devil
Life's Most Sacred Mystery
The Secret of Life
Belafonte's Inferno
God
Elvis
Bernhard Goetz
Star Search
Christians
Jews
Moslems
Mormons
The Halls of Montezuma
The Shores of Tripoli
The CIA
The IRS
Dick Clark
Saab
Judgement Day
Craft-matic Chair
Arizona
Republican
U.F.O.'s
Ballistic Missile
God's Kid Brother
Marlboros
Kents
Mr. X
Sans-a-Belt pants
Hush Puppies
Reverend Sun Yung Moon
Mohammed, Prophet of Allah
Impala
Shirley McLaine
Aryan Youth Camp
Shaft in Greenland
Land of the Midnight Sun
Brian Eno
United Nations
Stratego
Jesus
Maneschewitz
Dumpster
7-11
Safeway
Our Saviour
Bottle Boy
The guy who never used deoderant
and spoke only in riddles
The woman who collected 19th
century handmade Amish
swimwear
The Richard Bey Show
AM Philadelphia
Geraldo
The Son of God
Geena Davis
People
China
Little Pig
The Infant of Prague
St. Theresa of the Sacred Heart
St. Francis of Xavier
St. Bernadette
St. Jehosephat
Hebrews
St. Andrew
St. Catherine of Arles
Carbolic acid
Peter Bazooka
Tuesday
Taxi # 23
Aries
Little Elvis
Operation The Cheese Stands Alone
Raw Sewage
The Girl with the Strong Arm
Canadian woodsmen
Woodchuck Gun
Atlanta, Georgia
Youse & Son
O'Hare Airport
The History of Denmark
The Renaissance lute
Cadillac
An Agatha Christie book
The Royal Family
Leadbelly
Two Shoes
Blind Lemon Lipschitz
The Man Who Rides the Bus
Your Inner Child
Ravioli
Mexico City
Cuban Spies
Cub Scout uniform
The Beatles
St. Peter
The Shaggs
Amway Convention
New York
Athiests
Me and my pal Foot Foot
Crystalline
The King of the New World
Underclass
The God of Unemployment
The Antichrist of the
American Dream
The Communist Party
Khrissy
Stupid, happy clown
Big Deal
March 19, 2004
In Praise of Sha-Na-Na
Sha Na Na were the kings of Woodstock
You know it's true deep in your heart
Greasy guys in gold lamae
If only Hendrix had been so smart
Pete Townshend wouldn't be so deaf
If he had followed Sha Na Na's advice
and played some fifties do-wop songs
That even your mom would think are nice
Keith and Janis went away
But Sha Na Na are here to stay
I don't care about Joan Baez
But Sha Na Na can wear my fez
Sha Na Na were the kings of the sixties
Deep in your heart you know it's true
All those lids are Berkley dressed like Bowser
They didn't like the Stones or the Who
Sha Na Na didn't need no flower power
They didn't drive a yellow submarine
But they were the ones who called the shots
Yeah, Sha Na na really made the scene
Sha Na Na..killed Kennedy
Sha Na Na..stabbed that guy at Altamont
Sha Na Na..started the Peace Corps
Sha Na Na..were the first astronauts
Sha Na Na..grew organic food
Sha Na Na..led student sit-ins
Sha Na Na..joined the Black Panthers
Sha Na Na..never seemed to fit in
You can move to Montana and listen to Santana
But you still won't be as cool as Sha Na Na
You know it's true deep in your heart
Greasy guys in gold lamae
If only Hendrix had been so smart
Pete Townshend wouldn't be so deaf
If he had followed Sha Na Na's advice
and played some fifties do-wop songs
That even your mom would think are nice
Keith and Janis went away
But Sha Na Na are here to stay
I don't care about Joan Baez
But Sha Na Na can wear my fez
Sha Na Na were the kings of the sixties
Deep in your heart you know it's true
All those lids are Berkley dressed like Bowser
They didn't like the Stones or the Who
Sha Na Na didn't need no flower power
They didn't drive a yellow submarine
But they were the ones who called the shots
Yeah, Sha Na na really made the scene
Sha Na Na..killed Kennedy
Sha Na Na..stabbed that guy at Altamont
Sha Na Na..started the Peace Corps
Sha Na Na..were the first astronauts
Sha Na Na..grew organic food
Sha Na Na..led student sit-ins
Sha Na Na..joined the Black Panthers
Sha Na Na..never seemed to fit in
You can move to Montana and listen to Santana
But you still won't be as cool as Sha Na Na
If You Love Somebody, Set Them on Fire
You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I were to say to you
I didn't set your house on fire
But it's just the way I am
You'll have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up
When you're a pyromaniac
If you love somebody
Better set them on fire
I went to your house last night
Your dad called me the human torch
Got a little pissed at him
so I burned down your front porch
Now I feel a little bad
About pouring gas on your dad
But you know it's hard to quit
And besides he started it
CHORUS
I just bought a brand new lighter
And I cannot wait to use it
Oily rags are special things
You know to me they're diamond rings
Maybe we can have some fun
Maybe we can burn someone
CHORUS
You know that I would be a liar
If I were to say to you
I didn't set your house on fire
But it's just the way I am
You'll have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up
When you're a pyromaniac
If you love somebody
Better set them on fire
I went to your house last night
Your dad called me the human torch
Got a little pissed at him
so I burned down your front porch
Now I feel a little bad
About pouring gas on your dad
But you know it's hard to quit
And besides he started it
CHORUS
I just bought a brand new lighter
And I cannot wait to use it
Oily rags are special things
You know to me they're diamond rings
Maybe we can have some fun
Maybe we can burn someone
CHORUS
I Hate You, I Love You
What am I gonna do
When I get next to you
Wanna hold you close to me
But you bring me misery
I hate you, I love you
Let's go to see a show
Where to well I don't know
Will you make up your mind
Or are you gonna waste my time
CHORUS
Look back to the days we met
Were times better I forget
You acted different then
I thought you were a friend
CHORUS
When I get next to you
Wanna hold you close to me
But you bring me misery
I hate you, I love you
Let's go to see a show
Where to well I don't know
Will you make up your mind
Or are you gonna waste my time
CHORUS
Look back to the days we met
Were times better I forget
You acted different then
I thought you were a friend
CHORUS
Ooh! I have ads!
I'm sad that my ads aren't site specific though. Other people write about poems and get poetry ads. Or people post the lyrics to songs about walking the dinosaur and get ads about palentology and dinosaur toys.
The ads at the top of my page are boring. Web hosting. Blog stuff. ZZzzzzz...
I'm going to continue posting Dead Milkmen lyrics and see if we can't come up with something better.
The ads at the top of my page are boring. Web hosting. Blog stuff. ZZzzzzz...
I'm going to continue posting Dead Milkmen lyrics and see if we can't come up with something better.
March 16, 2004
March 15, 2004
MSNBC - The 10th planet? Ice world revives debate
MSNBC - The 10th planet? Ice world revives debate
Ok, first Pluto wasn't a planet and now there's TWO PLUTOS? Way to go, science.
Ok, first Pluto wasn't a planet and now there's TWO PLUTOS? Way to go, science.
Big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed him anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fifty
Well, that's pretty neat
Yeah it's fuckin' nifty
But I just can't afford to feed it
And you should see the way it shits
I've got a big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I was knocked outta bed
Late last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
There's no more big lizard in my backyard
I won't have to feed him anymore
No more lizard in my backyard
They shipped his ass to El Salvador!
Was knocked outta bed
Late last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
Big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fifty
Well, that's pretty neat
Yeah it's fuckin' nifty
But I just can't afford to feed it
Can't afford to feed him anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fifty
Well, that's pretty neat
Yeah it's fuckin' nifty
But I just can't afford to feed it
And you should see the way it shits
I've got a big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I was knocked outta bed
Late last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
There's no more big lizard in my backyard
I won't have to feed him anymore
No more lizard in my backyard
They shipped his ass to El Salvador!
Was knocked outta bed
Late last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
Big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbour's door
I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fifty
Well, that's pretty neat
Yeah it's fuckin' nifty
But I just can't afford to feed it
Dave Blood
I have been trying to post something about Dave Blood's untimely demise all week. Instead, I yoinked this from Phillyburbs.com.
"Dave Blood of the Dead Milkmen dead
Dave Blood, bassist of Philadelphia's punk legends The Dead Milkmen, has died. According to a post from Blood’s sister Kathy on the band's official message board, Blood took his own life earlier this week.
"Since the breakup of the band David has never really found his niche in life," Blood's sister writes. "My brother was a smart, clever and talented person. Inner peace has seemed to elude him for the last many years. Please pray for … my bother's soul; that he now has the peace that seemed to elude him most of his life."
The Dead Milkmen formed in Philadelphia in 1982 and released their debut album, "Big Lizard in My Backyard," in 1985. The band's humorous lyrics and punk attitude spawned many underground hits including "Bitchin' Camaro," "The Thing That Only Eats Hippies" and a parody of dance music and the music industry at large, "Instant Club Hit (You'll Dance to Anything.)"
The Dead Milkmen experienced mainstream exposure on MTV with their video "Punk Rock Girl" and after the band's mocking performance on "Club MTV," the band handcuffed themselves to the host Downtown Julie Brown. Lead singer, Rodney Anonymous, not leaving well enough alone, further freaked out Brown by dumping a can of worms on her head. (Turns out the worms were fake, but Brown's reaction was genuine.)
The Dead Milkmen released 10 albums, including a live album, "Chaos Rules," recorded at the Trocadero, in Philadelphia. When the band broke up in 1994, Blood stopped playing music.
2003 saw the release of two new Dead Milkmen products, a DVD titled, "Philadelphia in Love" which compiles all of the band's videos plus loads of extras, and an odds and sods compilation CD, "Now We Are 20."
In 1998, Blood found spiritual and intellectual refuge in Serbia, where he lived and studied the country's history, literature and culture. Blood was forced to leave country in 1999 during the NATO bombing attacks. In a recent interview with music writer Mark Prindle,, Blood enjoyed his brief stay immensely. "The time I spent in Serbia, to use a shopworn phrase, were the best days of my life. I felt a great joy and excitement in my life for the first time in years."
Blood also revealed to Prindle why he stopped performing after the Dead Milkmen broke up. "During the last few years I was playing with the band I developed a nasty case of tendonitis in both hands. It was quite painful and required me to get cortisone shots in my hands when the pain got to be too much to bear," said Blood.
"My pain and hand problems went away when I stopped playing bass on a regular basis. So, every time I even start to consider picking up the four-stringed love axe again, I hear this voice in the back of my head asking me, 'Do you really want to have to take Darvocets in order to be able to tie your shoe laces or twist the lids off of juice bottles?'"
You can read remembrances of Dave Blood by Philadelphia musicians, fans and friends here."
Nothing to say.
Also, now that I have a secondary bloglette, I have nothing to say. And I don't understand how Blogger works. And I miss Blog City. Get well soon!
