Phone-o-trauma

You may or may not already know this, but my phone doesn't work in my apartment. It's my one and only phone, and currently my only connection to the outside world, since the computer is in the shop. It appears that GSM phones work nicely in my apartment, and I have been trying to switch.

But here's the trouble: I already just bought the TDMA phone that I have. Which is to say, it wasn't cheap, and it's pretty new. I don't at all want to invest $50-$200 in another new phone. Nor do I want to sign a two year agreement.

AT&T has been less than helpful. When you call their "Customer Care" line, you get a call center in Oklahoma, staffed by any number of anonymous people with only first names. You can't reach the same person twice, and they can't email you. I spoke with a gentleman on Monday who was trying to help me out in some way. He suggested that I take advantage of the offers online (many of which are sparkly, free phones). I asked if that meant I would have to sign a new agreement, and he said that it would be as if I were a new customer. Which means a whole new rate plan, new zones, new clock rules, etc. He said that the TDMA contract was a whole separate department from the GSM people, and that they couldn't communicate. He really was trying to be helpful, but I don't think we were accomplishing anything. He told me I could buy a used GSM phone, and then everything would be OK, but I don't understand if that would somehow avoid the contract thing or the new plan thing. He said he would talk to the GSM people (having previously told me they couldn't talk) and see if they could waive some fees or anything for me. Stupidly, I was very conscious about having spent a lot of time on the work phone already trying to resolve this, and I asked if he could call me back.

"When do you want me to call you back," he said, "today? Tomorrow?"

I said, "Well, I'd love to know as soon as you resolve it."

"Ok, I'll call you back."

And, so far he hasn't. I doubt he ever will. I shouldn't have let the guy go, but I really couldn't stay on the phone for an hour plus trying to resolve this stuff at work. I'd call from home, but...

So I called back yesterday, and Sean (some other representative) pulled up my file. I asked if there was a record of the person I was speaking with yesterday, or if anything had progressed or anything at all. He said there was indeed a record that I spoke with someone yesterday, and a notation to call me back.

"Is there any indication that I will be called back?"

"I'm sorry ma'am. I don't know."

"That's right, you're in a call center with hundreds of people. I forgot."

"He may call you back, or he may have forgotten. Is there something that I can help you with?"

And I told this second guy the whole story. He seemed to think that if I wait until my contract is up (October) I will get all sorts of excellent offers for new phones. I tried to press the importance of the fact that if I wait until then I will do my damndest not to be with their services, due to the fact that my one and only communication device doesn't work in my home and they weren't helping much.

I asked him why there was no support for loyal customers, and why all the attention is given to new customers, rather than people like myself who have been with their service for multiple years at this point. He said they were trying to attract new customers. I asked if they didn't care about alienating current customers, and he didn't have much to say to that.

Of course, I already have the answer to that. I have a contract with them until October, and if I break it, I have to pay some inordinate amount of money. They don't care if I can actually use the service or not. They get their money regardless of whether I get reception, which seems like a rather craptacular kind of deal.

So at this point I'm not sure what to do. Additionally, these two gentlemen seemed to be spouting different types of rhetoric that contradicted eachother. Can I keep calling back until I get someone who says something I like? Is there any such possibility? When Cingular finally takes over, will it make any difference? As Bob says, "I doubt it."

And all of this suddenly makes me think of those charming BankAmerica commercials that are slowly but surely dancing across our televisions. "I just don't think I should have to pay for these things." "Neither do we." I can't wait to see how that mistranslates into my own ex-BayBank, ex-Bank Boston, soon to be ex-Fleet account.

Really. I just can't wait.